"In The Smoking Room": comment by M@

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 02:30:00 EDT

Good one... :-)

"In The Smoking Room" by trevor

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 01:59:40 EDT

Note: there’s cussing in this post – you’ve been warned. And yes, I have shamelessly lifted from Daring Fireball.

HAS_AND_BELONGS_TO_MANY sits alone at a table in the corner of the smoking room. He is nursing a cold cup of vending machine coffee and is hunched over a new copy of Dianetics (open to a page about halfway through chapter 6). The result from his first audit (yesterday) is folded neatly in his front pocket, out of sight.

(a muffled voice in the hall): Sure thing, be with you in a few minutes.

A moment later the door opens and a pudgy figure with thinning ginger hair enters. An unlit cigarette is already in his mouth and he’s patting down various pockets, trying to find his lighter. He is BELONGS_TO.

BELONGS_TO: No rest for the wicked, huh?

HABTM: (closes his book and slides it onto his lap, keeping his hand over the title) Yeah. No kidding.

BELONGS_TO: (still patting his pockets) Been gasping for a smoke all afternoon. May I?

He helps himself to HABTM’s Zippo, ignites and takes a deep, soulful drag.

BELONGS_TO: Cheers mate.

HABTM: No problem. (pause) You gonna sit?

BELONGS_TO: No time. HAS_MANY has got me doing double shifts on :through relations.

HABTM: (almost spitting) Prick.

BELONGS_TO: (startled) What?

HABTM: I hate that prick.

BELONGS_TO: (decides to take a seat after all) Dude, you two seemed to get along just fine in Rails 1.0.

HABTM: Yeah, well that was before he started spouting this :through relation crap all the bloody time. Like his shit is any less complicated than push_with_attributes.

BELONGS_TO: Dude…

HABTM: (agitated) What? You don’t actually agree with him do you?

BELONGS_TO: Dude, push_with_attributes was an ugly hack. You know it.

HABTM: (snorts) And a :through relation with nothing more than a couple of foreign keys is clever then? Give me a break.

BELONGS_TO: Well that’s not his fault is it? I mean, since 1.1 came out the developers are just wetting themselves over :through relations. They think it’s a golden hammer, man. You can’t blame a guy…

HABTM: (interrupting) That’s a crock and you know it. He’s totally lapping it up. Mailing out links every time that Susser fanboy farts out a tutorial.

BELONGS_TO: Dude, you’ve got issues.

HABTM: (lights a fresh cigarette) Stop saying “dude” all the goddamn time. You sound like a wanker.

BELONGS_TO: I’m just sayin…

HABTM: What? What are you “just sayin”.

BELONGS_TO: Look. You gotta get out there, man. Show your face. Attend some of the bloody project meetings for chrissakes. I mean, we could have used you this morning but nobody could find you. (gesturing at the book half-hidden in HABTM’s lap) You been in here all day reading that?

HABTM: Get off my back.

BELONGS_TO: (sighs a cloud of smoke) You used to have it all, man. You totally owned the many-to-many join. Like, didn’t someone even name a domain after you?

HABTM: They changed the name. It’s caboose or some other stupid train thing now.

BELONGS_TO: Oh boo-hoo. Seen any registrations for belongsto.com lately?

HABTM fidgets, staring at the hairs on the back of his hand.

BELONGS_TO: Look, this whole :through relation thing is a minor setback. Just get out there and show them what you can do, okay? Forget that :through relations are flavor of the month. It’ll die down.

BELONGS_TO takes a final drag on his cigarette and stubs it out as he pushes back his chair, ready to leave.

BELONGS_TO: And start turning up for some bloody meetings okay? Don’t risk losing your place in the core.

HABTM: What’s that supposed to mean?

BELONGS_TO: (incredulous) Jesus dude, how long have you been in here? Don’t you know what’s in the pipeline for PAGINATION? A plugin, dude. They are turning him into a plugin.

HABTM: (almost inaudible) Shit. (pause) Poor bastard.

something learned comments on In The Smoking Room

"In The Smoking Room": comment by M@

"In The Smoking Room" by trevor